Officially Absurd

Tech & Culture

$4.2 Million Study Reveals Americans Don't Agree on Things, Experts Call Findings 'Significant'

A coalition of fourteen think tanks has published a landmark 600-page report concluding that the United States is, by most measurable indicators, quite politically divided. The study, which took three years and $4.2 million in grant funding to produce, features a color-coded chart that one researcher described as 'essentially a picture of red and blue with a thin grey strip nobody agrees on.'

Mar 13, 2026

Tech & Culture

Nation Celebrates as Government Cuts Form-Request Process Down to a Mere 47 Steps

The federal government has unveiled its landmark Form Acquisition Pre-Pathway Initiative, a streamlined 47-step procedure for obtaining the form that tells you which form you actually need. Officials describe it as a dramatic improvement over the previous system. The agency responsible for overseeing the simplification has requested a 14-month extension to finish simplifying it.

Mar 13, 2026

Tech & Culture

White House Appoints 'AI Czar' Whose Primary Qualification Is Owning a Very Nice Tote Bag From Davos

The White House has named a Senior Coordinator for Artificial Intelligence Governance Engagement and Stakeholder Ecosystem Dialogue — a newly created role with no staff, no budget, and no defined powers. The official's first 90 days will be spent attending seventeen panels, four summits, and a keynote address at a Las Vegas expo sponsored by the companies he is nominally overseeing. The executive order creating the position expires before Christmas.

Mar 13, 2026

Tech & Culture

Lawmakers Erupt in Rare Bipartisan Applause After Agreeing That Things Are, In Fact, a Concern

The House of Representatives has passed a landmark resolution affirming that one or more unspecified problems facing the American people warrant some form of attention at some future point. The vote was unanimous. Three think tanks have already published reports about it.

Mar 13, 2026

Tech & Culture

Nation's Legislators Discover One Thing They Can All Agree On: Naming Buildings After Each Other

For the eighth consecutive year, the single most reliably completed legislative task in Washington has been the ceremonial renaming of post offices. Roads remain unpaved, bridges wobble ominously, and broadband internet is still considered a luxury in parts of rural America — but rest assured, the Gerald R. Ford Post Office in Accounting, Ohio, is getting a fresh plaque.

Mar 12, 2026

Tech & Culture

Washington Commission Formed to Investigate Why Things Take So Long Has Been Investigating for 14 Years

The Federal Commission on Bureaucratic Efficiency and Timely Governmental Output has spent 14 years studying why federal agencies can't get anything done. It has not yet gotten anything done. A budget of $4.3 million has since grown to $13.1 million, and the final report remains, in the agency's own preferred terminology, 'forthcoming.'

Mar 12, 2026

Tech & Culture

Digg, Reddit, and the Greatest Internet Turf War You Probably Forgot About

Before Reddit became the front page of the internet, there was Digg — a scrappy, user-powered news aggregator that somehow managed to blow up its own empire in spectacular fashion. This is the story of one of tech history's most glorious self-destructions, a David vs. Goliath battle where Goliath tripped over his own shoelaces and face-planted into irrelevance.

Mar 12, 2026

Tech & Culture

Digg, Reddit, and the Great Internet Turf War That Shaped How We Waste Time Online

Once upon a time, Digg was the undisputed king of the internet's front page — a digital town square where nerds, news junkies, and people who definitely should have been working gathered to vote stories up or down. Then Reddit happened, Digg imploded in spectacular fashion, and the whole saga became one of the most gloriously chaotic cautionary tales in tech history. Buckle up.

Mar 12, 2026